Cancer #6: Treatment

October 1. 2015

I did not get my treatment the thirtieth because the insurance has not yet approved it. I was pretty down about it, but I used sarcasm and humor to get through it. I’m forcing a positive attitude. Making fun of terrible situations help me think about in a way that always makes me laugh. It might sound offensive if I shared it. However, if joking about dying before the insurance comes through makes me feel better, that is what I will do.

On the real; I feel horrible today; like I was kicked in the stomach. I have an infection and I have to go get meds. I have little immunity, now, and I work in a school! I am working while sick because I cannot afford to use up more days. Sometimes the laughter is more “whine” than anything else. I wonder if a few glasses of wine would fix my “whine”! LOL 

October 2, 2015

Treatment was approved! I start Rituxan infusions on Monday. Thankful, but a bit scared. Yesterday, I went to the doc for a UTI. Today I am vomiting and my stomach has awful pain. I worry that cancer is everywhere inside me. How would they know? It looked like everything glowed on the PET scan, but the doctor said that was normal because its sugar that glows. I’m writing my questions, so I can remember them when I see him Monday. I’ve had a great amount of UTIs this year, and I’ve never had them before.

October 5, 2015

My first treatment is detailed in the Insightful story titled, Our Battle With Lymphoma. Here is an excerpt:

The first chemotherapy was long.  They watched the bags of fluid drip into her arm for almost 7 hours in between turns of sleep and wakefulness.  The man was told that she had been given an allergen to prevent too terrible of a reaction.  He was told that she would sleep during the treatment.  He left at one point hoping she wouldn’t notice, so that he could bring back a tasty lunch for her to enjoy.  Her beautiful smile indicated that she was pleased.  Indeed, she was thankful for his thoughtful nature.  The big sandwich he brought was shared by the two as they waited for this first round of chemo to be over.  The staff was very surprised because her body accepted the poison with no reaction to it at any point during the hours long process. The man walked ahead of her to check her out and receive her next appointment.  Near the front counter, he turned and caught her in his arms as she passed out and fell to the floor.  Her blood pressure dropped to seriously low levels from the chemo as she walked through the lobby.  The nurses revived her and he half carried her back to the treatment room.  More reclining and fluids while they waited for the blood pressure to respond.  Finally they were able to go home, but in the middle of the night, the man she loved held her as her body jerked and jolted uncontrollably as rigors from the poison pumped through her veins.  He was terrified, but wrapped her in blankets while she shivered violently as her body tried to regulate its temperature.

Our Battle With Lymphoma. by Wanda LaPlount. June 28, 2019

January 8, 2016

It’s been a while. I finally completed the initial four treatments and one maintenance treatment. How am I doing? Good question. I have tried to be a great faker with my smile and positive attitude. It seems to make all my co-workers and friends are happier if they think I’m fighting this like boss! The truth is that some days I truly feel like a boss. My attitude is actually positive and I feel pretty great, but the other days while I’m smiling, I’m not so sure. During the initial four treatments once a week, I felt terrible. The doctor said there were little or no side effects, but that is NOT TRUE. The first day after, I had gas and felt nauseated and sick. The second day I was constipated all day. The third day was usually better, but the fourth day, I vomited all day. By day five, I was so tired, and I didn’t want to work, but I went, hoping to get through this year without getting docked in pay too badly. On day six, if I hadn’t ripped myself silly trying to poop, I felt sick, uncomfortable, and weepy. Day seven was time to start over.  

I seriously tried to keep a positive attitude and cowboy up! Everyone seemed to need me to focus on fighting the good fight, so I tried. I went to work. I did a good job while I was there, and I worked hard. A couple of people thought I faked the cancer.  They asked jokingly, but it was horrible. I am in this damn boat rowing for my life while trying to make it look easy, and someone actually says, “Do you really have cancer? You don’t seem sick.” What the hell?

I know I can do this. At least it is better now that the PET scan is showing improvement and those initial weekly treatments are over. 

April 22, 2016

I do not understand the things going on now. I cannot remember things.  I’m really scared. My family members seem angry with me. I feel stressed out, and I do not know why I’m forgetting things.  Maybe the stress is caused by the forgetting, but friends and family have suggested the forgetting may be caused by the stress. Could it be a phenomenon called Chemo Brain? I am not myself these days.  My job, my family life,  and my personal life are messed up. I’m losing control of my mind.  Got to find a fix. I feel crazy.

Published by Eclectra

"Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world - even if what is published is not true." Richard Bach, Illusions, p. 60

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